Parenting Without Punishment

[library_mama]

Parenting without Punishment by John W. Maag, PhD This is a radical title, but the advice is based firmly in famous psychologist Erickson’s work. So, while the advice is different from most parenting books, it’s grounded in what will work to get a well-behaved child, rather than objecting to punishment from a philosophical standpoint. What seems to me to be the crux of his argument is this: punishment really only works if it is applied absolutely consistently every time, and there is nothing else reinforcing the behavior that makes it worthwhile to continue in the face of punishment. Using punishment to react to bad behavior puts children in control. And it’s important to recognize that changing behavior should mean increasing good behavior, not just eliminating bad behavior. He’s got lots of anecdotes and practical techniques for dealing with behavior problems ranging from the ordinary to the extreme – keeping in mind that every child and situation is unique and there isn’t going to be a magic bullet. The solutions seemed focused on children six and up, but some could be used for younger children as well. I particularly liked his tests for evaluating solutions: Could a stranger understand both problem and solution? Does your proposed new behavior make the old impossible? If a dead man could do what you’re asking your child to do, it’s probably not a realistic expectation for a real child. It’s a little on the dry side, but also pretty short, and summarized nicely in the epilogue.