library_mama (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
library_mama) wrote2007-07-01 04:31 pm
library_mama) wrote2007-07-01 04:31 pm
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The Happiest Toddler on the Block
It’s been a while since I read a parenting book…
The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp, M.D.
The Happiest Baby on the Block was a good book, though it was really aimed only at the first three months. What I’d heard most about this book (and what kept me from reading it for so long) was his technique for calming toddler tantrums. In a nutshell, he wants you to mirror your toddler’s frustration back at them, using short words and a strong, not soothing, tone of voice. For example, “Mr. FP not want eggs! Mr. FP want Spiderman! No, Daddy, no! Not stop Spiderman! Mommy not cook breakfast! No! No! No!” Once the child has stopped screaming, you can introduce your own point of view and start calming, but the idea is that (as with adults, in fact) a toddler needs to know that their opinion has been understood before they can move on. The technique is quite different, and tends to be greeted pretty skeptically by other parents. So far in my experience, though, it has a much higher success rate than either soothing or ignoring.
There’s a lot more to the book, though. The overall theory is that over the course of toddlerhood, kids mirror the development of the human race from cave times up in a very short time. To deal with them, you should know how they relate to the world and meet them there, teaching them how the world works today. He’s got good sections covering the new skills learned and challenges faces by children at 1, 2 and 3. Following this, there are sections on discipline and on specific challenges. Dr. Karp has what sounds to me like a middle-of-the-road approach to discipline. First, start with reasonable expectations. Then, use your new toddler communication skills, redirection, and rewards to encourage them to be “good”. If that fails, try punishment, starting with natural consequences and using time-outs in severe or dangerous situations.
In the specific problems section, the only thing that’s sticking out is his advice on sleep. He starts by advising regular routines, which is good. He goes on to encourage parents to avoid forming “bad sleep habits” and describe the classic cry-it-out sleep training method. This is common thinking, and I can’t really fault him for holding to the party line, as it were. I know that many of my friends have used these methods successfully. However, I find it quite frustrating that in a book devoted to understanding the primitive roots of toddler behavior, there is no mention of the fact that expecting children to fall and stay asleep alone is a very recent, very Western idea. I’m not saying that co-sleeping is right for everyone; I would have appreciated an acknowledgement that wanting companionship even while sleeping is a part of toddler nature (that you can train them away from if you need to), not a “bad habit” that only happens if you’re a bad parent. Ok, that was a bit of rant. Crying-it-out is a particular bugaboo of mine. However this section is both mainstream and short, so the advice won’t be a shock for most readers, and is easily ignored by those who disagree with it. All in all, this is a solid and helpful book. The cartoons throughout and summaries at the beginning and end make it easy for busy parents to absorb. If you’re in the toddler parenting boat wanting advice, check it out.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp, M.D.The Happiest Baby on the Block was a good book, though it was really aimed only at the first three months. What I’d heard most about this book (and what kept me from reading it for so long) was his technique for calming toddler tantrums. In a nutshell, he wants you to mirror your toddler’s frustration back at them, using short words and a strong, not soothing, tone of voice. For example, “Mr. FP not want eggs! Mr. FP want Spiderman! No, Daddy, no! Not stop Spiderman! Mommy not cook breakfast! No! No! No!” Once the child has stopped screaming, you can introduce your own point of view and start calming, but the idea is that (as with adults, in fact) a toddler needs to know that their opinion has been understood before they can move on. The technique is quite different, and tends to be greeted pretty skeptically by other parents. So far in my experience, though, it has a much higher success rate than either soothing or ignoring.
There’s a lot more to the book, though. The overall theory is that over the course of toddlerhood, kids mirror the development of the human race from cave times up in a very short time. To deal with them, you should know how they relate to the world and meet them there, teaching them how the world works today. He’s got good sections covering the new skills learned and challenges faces by children at 1, 2 and 3. Following this, there are sections on discipline and on specific challenges. Dr. Karp has what sounds to me like a middle-of-the-road approach to discipline. First, start with reasonable expectations. Then, use your new toddler communication skills, redirection, and rewards to encourage them to be “good”. If that fails, try punishment, starting with natural consequences and using time-outs in severe or dangerous situations.
In the specific problems section, the only thing that’s sticking out is his advice on sleep. He starts by advising regular routines, which is good. He goes on to encourage parents to avoid forming “bad sleep habits” and describe the classic cry-it-out sleep training method. This is common thinking, and I can’t really fault him for holding to the party line, as it were. I know that many of my friends have used these methods successfully. However, I find it quite frustrating that in a book devoted to understanding the primitive roots of toddler behavior, there is no mention of the fact that expecting children to fall and stay asleep alone is a very recent, very Western idea. I’m not saying that co-sleeping is right for everyone; I would have appreciated an acknowledgement that wanting companionship even while sleeping is a part of toddler nature (that you can train them away from if you need to), not a “bad habit” that only happens if you’re a bad parent. Ok, that was a bit of rant. Crying-it-out is a particular bugaboo of mine. However this section is both mainstream and short, so the advice won’t be a shock for most readers, and is easily ignored by those who disagree with it. All in all, this is a solid and helpful book. The cartoons throughout and summaries at the beginning and end make it easy for busy parents to absorb. If you’re in the toddler parenting boat wanting advice, check it out.